Steven Wright - For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Steven Wright - For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. in JPG

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Debasish Mridha - Summer is singing with joy, and the beaches are inviting you with dancing waves.

Debasish Mridha - Summer is singing with joy, and the beaches are inviting you with dancing waves.

Steven Wright - I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Steven Wright - I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Steven Wright - “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

Steven Wright - “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

Nikita Gill - Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

Nikita Gill - Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

Kurt Vonnegut - I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know he likes me

Kurt Vonnegut - I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know he likes me

Steven Wright - I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Steven Wright - I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

Steven Wright - A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright - A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright - I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Steven Wright - I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Steven Wright - I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

Steven Wright - I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

Harriet Tubman - I should fight for my liberty as long as my strength lasted, and when the time came for me to go, the Lord would let them take me.

Harriet Tubman - I should fight for my liberty as long as my strength lasted, and when the time came for me to go, the Lord would let them take me.

David Gergen - If you’ve got some news that you don’t want to get noticed, put it out Friday afternoon.

David Gergen - If you’ve got some news that you don’t want to get noticed, put it out Friday afternoon.

Jim Gaffigan - Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.

Jim Gaffigan - Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.

Karen Harrington - How you can already miss someone when you are in the same room with them, I have no idea. But I do.

Karen Harrington - How you can already miss someone when you are in the same room with them, I have no idea. But I do.

George Whitefield - Fight the good fight of faith, and God will give you spiritual mercies.

George Whitefield - Fight the good fight of faith, and God will give you spiritual mercies.

Madeleine Peyroux - You have to let it all hang out, let go of the ideas that were more comfortable and embrace some of the sadness in your life.

Madeleine Peyroux - You have to let it all hang out, let go of the ideas that were more comfortable and embrace some of the sadness in your life.

Peter Schiff - What got us out of the depression was capitalism, and we would have gotten out a lot quicker had the government not intervened.

Peter Schiff - What got us out of the depression was capitalism, and we would have gotten out a lot quicker had the government not intervened.